Taking three days off.

Yesterday: I went to grocery shopping, really took my time there, checking almost every product on the shelves.  I walked slowly to the store and back.  I made grapefruit jelly.  I started reading Haruki Murakami book, which I was saving for this little vacation.  I did some crochet, watched Netflix movie and Hell's Kitchen on TV.

Today: I went to a laundromat to wash heavy bath rug and comforter cover.  I bought myself an ice latte at the corner coffee shop.  It was delicious.  Then I played with my cat while putting a fresh sheet on my bed.  That's his ritual at the change of sheets --get under the sheet and run around.  

I went to a junk shop and bought a little red glass creamer (or sauce pitcher) for 99 cents, and then stopped at the pet shop to get some cat food.   Sometimes I stick my head out the window and watch the gusting winds for a while. (we are supposed to have a severe rain storm today but so far no rain)   

Now I'm going to watch 5 o'clock news to check weather forecast.  I must love storms. Tomorrow I'll read more, lying down on the sofa. I'll have my hair cut early afternoon, I'll meet my friend and go to Elmhurst for vietnamese dinner.  

I realize I had never been so happy for a long time. 

Counting good things after he's gone

No more dealing with hospital bills.

No more worries about the future.

I can buy what I want without asking.

I can leave the bedside lamp on all night.

Bit more prepared for my own death.

Realized that almost nothing in life is so important. 

CAT

CAT        by D

he never goes outside

he has a life limited

he should be killing 

an unsuspecting pigeon

so he knocks things over

from tables, mantels, and beuraus

the only natural thing he knows, 

is us and the occasional cockroach

Love is overrated,

I used to think.  D said, as we age we get less sarcastic - I agree! 

On that cold day he

crossed Sanzu River and became Dman I too crossed over something.  When I think about the past it's all about before or after the D-Day, and the world seems diluted on this side of it.

This is a self portrait he did after radiation therapy, in 2005 or 2006.

Sugar sugar sugar,

why are you so sweet?  You are the joy of my consumer life.  I got you thick in my stomach tonight too; 2 cups of water ice, half container of blueberries, and quarter bag of a chocolate chip cookies.

The cat is lying by the window smelling the damp air of weakened hurricane.  Holiday weekend is starting.

I have a dead husband,

and I don't know where he's gone.  I wish I could say that he is with God, but I don't really know who God is.  A widow in Japanese means "person who lost the future" but I am living a future without him, for two and a half years now.

My Deadman has left many paintings, drawings, and scribbles here and there, and I want to make some kind of record of them.